salience
December 26, 2002
Aye... on to a completely different topic from my last post:
I was talking with my dad earlier today about school and whatnot. My uncle asked me what I wanted to do after getting my undergrad, and I surprised myself. Instead of rehashing the plan I've had for years, I said "I just hope to make it past this semester."
And I thought to myself, "Yeah, seriously. Forget two years from now, I need to get through this month."
It is hard for me to explain exactly what I am going through right now. I am somewhere in between the me of high school and the me of the future. As corny and unnecessary as it sounds, there is so much inner turmoil I am having to deal with. My uncle just smiled and said, "Well m'ja you are growing up. Just take it one day at a time."
I was talking with my cousin Cynthia, she is a year younger, about college. Sometimes I am extremely jealous of her: she lives in a completely different world. Where she is from, going to college is a privilege, not an expectation: most of her high school friends are pregnant and fighting with lousy boyfriends, y'know, deciding whether or not to have an abortion and such.
Okay, I know that sounds so weird to me, but it's just because I have grown up in a completely different realm from her. Pues, tu sabes. She decided to go to SWTU, a state school, about 45 minutes from her home in San Antonio. She chose an easy school, because really, she didn't think she was going to be able to afford college. She applied on a whim, and just happened to be accepted. I was venting all of my BC frustrations to her (y'know, the impossible CSOM classes, the spanish professor from hell, ROTC punks who can't relax), and she was amazed; she couldn't believe people took school so seriously. It's refreshing to talk to her, and to just hang out with the familia: it's a taste of what life would be like if I hadn't chosen to go so far away from home, maybe if I had gone to an easier school...one where I wouldn't have to work to have a moderate gpa, one where I wouldn't run the risk of failing out.
So yeah... I dunno, I'm just really frustrated with school right now. When I'm up at BC, I feel all this pressure I put on myself to do well: with ROTC, with band, and then school. I am always so tired from everything else that school just doesn't seem that important. And when you think about it, we really are crazy, us kids at BC. I mean, how many kids chose to go to a school like BC? Life is so less dramatic in other places. Because life is more real. We are so sheltered at BC, and maybe that is a good thing: a nice pressurized, academic bubble. I guess what it comes down to is, I'm not sure where I belong right now. I am walking the fine line: I'm too hesitant to make things easy for myself, and yet I don't want to run with the rich boys.
I was talking with my dad earlier today about school and whatnot. My uncle asked me what I wanted to do after getting my undergrad, and I surprised myself. Instead of rehashing the plan I've had for years, I said "I just hope to make it past this semester."
And I thought to myself, "Yeah, seriously. Forget two years from now, I need to get through this month."
It is hard for me to explain exactly what I am going through right now. I am somewhere in between the me of high school and the me of the future. As corny and unnecessary as it sounds, there is so much inner turmoil I am having to deal with. My uncle just smiled and said, "Well m'ja you are growing up. Just take it one day at a time."
I was talking with my cousin Cynthia, she is a year younger, about college. Sometimes I am extremely jealous of her: she lives in a completely different world. Where she is from, going to college is a privilege, not an expectation: most of her high school friends are pregnant and fighting with lousy boyfriends, y'know, deciding whether or not to have an abortion and such.
Okay, I know that sounds so weird to me, but it's just because I have grown up in a completely different realm from her. Pues, tu sabes. She decided to go to SWTU, a state school, about 45 minutes from her home in San Antonio. She chose an easy school, because really, she didn't think she was going to be able to afford college. She applied on a whim, and just happened to be accepted. I was venting all of my BC frustrations to her (y'know, the impossible CSOM classes, the spanish professor from hell, ROTC punks who can't relax), and she was amazed; she couldn't believe people took school so seriously. It's refreshing to talk to her, and to just hang out with the familia: it's a taste of what life would be like if I hadn't chosen to go so far away from home, maybe if I had gone to an easier school...one where I wouldn't have to work to have a moderate gpa, one where I wouldn't run the risk of failing out.
So yeah... I dunno, I'm just really frustrated with school right now. When I'm up at BC, I feel all this pressure I put on myself to do well: with ROTC, with band, and then school. I am always so tired from everything else that school just doesn't seem that important. And when you think about it, we really are crazy, us kids at BC. I mean, how many kids chose to go to a school like BC? Life is so less dramatic in other places. Because life is more real. We are so sheltered at BC, and maybe that is a good thing: a nice pressurized, academic bubble. I guess what it comes down to is, I'm not sure where I belong right now. I am walking the fine line: I'm too hesitant to make things easy for myself, and yet I don't want to run with the rich boys.
lasaliente, 19:11
