salience

"Because a circle is the perfect shape: there is no beginning and no end. It's divinity in geometry. So, coming full circle is to hold a sense of nirvana in your hand." ~Madonna

Wow, in a week classes will be over. So close and yet so far.

Feeling a little stressed out... Here's what I got going on for the rest of the week:

Wednesday: Concert Band Dress rehearsal, 6:45-10pm in O'Neill Plaza.
Thursday: Accouting exam
Friday: Four page analysis of the Argentian government due for spanish; performance with the Brass Choir at 12:45 of 1812.
Saturday: Woodwind Ensemble performance at 12, plus 1812 with Brass Choir; Concert Band performance at 8.
Sunday: Concert Band Dinner at Seb's (the director's) house--he's cooking for us!!--from 1-5pm; LAST concert band leadership clinic from 6:30-8pm.
Monday: A joint performance featuring the Woodwind Ensemble, Brass Choir, Percussion Ensemble, and a finale of 1812 in St. Ignatius at 8.
Tuesday: Last day of class.
Wednesday: Study Day
Thursday: Scholarship/Concert Band Section Leader Audition; History final paper due.

After all that, I need to finalize my loan with student services, make sure my hispanic studies minor is finalized with the department, and set up my storage arrangements. Then it's finals time--I'm not done until the 9th. Not that it matters, really, 'cause we have to stay an extra week for marching band leadership duties, plus I am required to play for commencement. So, I get home the 19th, have one day to panic at home, and then I start the internship with GE Global on the 21st.

Yeah, I'm going to have a ton of down time in between finals and when I go home. But right now, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed...and guilty. Because I have to stay at school until the 19th, I'm missing Mother's Day, the 11th, as well as her birthday, the 17th, a fact she drilled into me repeatedly while I was home for Easter. ::sigh:: No matter how hard I try, I just can't please everyone, I know. That doesn't change the fact that I want to, though, y'know? I think the real problem is I feel like I'm letting my family down by being so involved up here.

Yeah, that's it.

1. Having only 1 class + Beautiful Weather = Happiness

2. Watch out, world!! After Mr. Odom never got back to me about an internship (the nerve!!), my five day scramble to find a back up has been successful!! I will be interning this summer at the SE US division of GE Global!! The office is all the way down in Marietta, but it's a helluva lot better than pouring concrete all summer. Man, my brother can keep all that, I'm gonna get paid $15 an hour to sit in the air conditioning!! :)

3. It's almost time for me to head to the airport--yay for Catholic schools and Easter breaks!

So I go home tomorrow, and I really should do laundry, pack, get excited, etc... For some reason though, it just hasn't clicked. Yes, it's been six weeks since I've seen Logan, my familia, and my gato Sphinx... so why do I just want to sleep??

What have I done this week, all two days of it??
-2 Spanish classes
-1 Econ class
-Concert Band Rehearsal last night, 6:45-10
-1 Managerial Accounting class
-1 Survey of Bio II class
-1 History 52 class
-Combined Woodwind Ensemble rehearsal with Brass Choir for 1812 tonight, 6-8

Yeah, that's it.... Nothing really out of the ordinary... maybe the rehearsals?? Maybe the weird sleep pattern, or lack there of, I've been living lately. Who knows?

All I know is, I need to get moving, before I fall asleep!!

I am happy to report,
I have accepted what is, and let go:
this afternoon, I threw out all of my Air Force uniforms.

Be gone, you evil monstrosity!

Wow. I just found one of my journals from forever ago. The first entry is dated July 15, 2001. Damn... that was a whole other world. I think back to where I was then, and I am shocked. I have grown so much. I keep going over these words, first noticing how my handwriting has changed, if only slightly, and then how scared I was, how insecure and unsure I was of everything.

So, I have come to these conclusions:
1. I am sorry Erik, if you ever read this. I really am. You were a very sweet person, and I was interested. What can I say? I didn't know how to talk to you.
2. I miss talking to you, Ellery, if you ever read this. One bad day, and you happened to call me. I still wonder how you're doing and how close you are to attaining your dreams.
3. After reflecting for a bit, I realized I always had two guys in mind at all times. If I was with one, there was always another with whom I was good friends with. Why? Good question. I don't really know the answer. Maybe I was too insecure? Maybe it was better than having to learn how to be open? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be? All I know is, I have left that Maria somewhere along the way to where I find myself now. When I look in the mirror, I am happy with my reflection and with where I am. I don't see a dream anymore, I see me.

Sometimes, there are just no words. However--I am going to try.

Michelle and I are sitting in the room, each of us sitting at our desks, iming and being nerds, as is our custom.

Earlier:
(breaking the verbal silence)
Her: (talking to her monitor) I'll be right back.
....She never even got out of her chair.

One of her newest things has been the LOTR soundtrack. So, we were listening to it... recounting memories from the story... and then:

Her: You know what would be funny? Listening to this while watching snails...
Me: Snails?? But they're so.....so.... slow...
Her: Yeah, that's the point.
Me: (ponders) What about a sloth?
Her: Yeah, a sloth... slowly chasing after a snail...

Imagine, a sloth lazily crawling after a snail.... all set to the regal LOTR soundtrack... We were both lost in thought, coming up with various zoological scenarios for the soundtrack when out of NOWHERE the Lion King soundtrack begins on her playlist! We both jumped out of our chairs, completely taken aback from the sudden change from regal to tribal.

And now it's on to the sounds of our motherland, both of us being one-sixteenth Irish and all: Ireland.
Her: "When I grow up, I'm going to be Irish!"

The fun we have in The Ronc 221. And on a Friday night too. Craziness!

Potential guys who could floss with me:

1. Prince. Yes, I know he is 5'2", and that he is married. It's the aura around him, it's so sexual and appealing. And besides, with him, you know size doesn't matter-that boy can work it.

2. LL Cool J. Oh LL--if you flossed with me, I'd be calling you Coolio JJ. That boy has some arms!!! Dayam!!!

3. Nelly. Pure ghetto-licious, ness. Honey, I know your Country Grammar.

4. Dave Navarro. Pure dark intellectual appeal. He just comes off as a very intense, spiritual guy. Too bad Carmen Electra is a ho.... but anyways.

5. Justin Timberlake. He's got that cute, innocent thing going on. Plus, the boy can dance. Holla Justin, I'll be your senorita.

6. Gavin Rossdale. I admire Gwen Stefani, and I would never take her guy. But still--he and I could have some chemicals between us.

7. Sting. He has that yoga appeal. Plus, I love his voice.

8. Craig David. Cute, prim and proper--the typical smooth guy. He always presents himself well, whether it's with clothes, or his manners. And that is appealing.

9. Chris Martin. Cute, spunky, also with the intellectual appeal.

10. Joaquin Phoenix. Just wow. If he ever came up to me, I'd be too busy drooling: those eyes, man. Shocking.

And see, that is the end of my list, really. I only have two points to make:
One: My man Michael CANNOT be on the list. 'Cause really, I want nothing to do with his bed. Even Michael circa 1982 is pushing it. I just like listening to his songs and watching the boy move. Cause damn! No one else can move like that--although Usher gets pretty close. (No, no, no---no baby faces on my list, thank you. Sorry, Will.)
Two: When it comes down to it, this list really is just a what-I-would-go-after list if I were a famous celebrity or something. You see, I got me a good one, and I plan on keeping him. :)

Bring that funk!!

There was a time, I'm sure some of you remember this, when I first discovered Paul Oakenfold. (If you want to know more about him, just check out his link on the left of this page.) I was, and remain, completely hooked on his music. And believe you me, I get lost in his rhythms and melodies. This guy definitely lives up to his genre of trance.

Right now, I'm listening to his album, Dragon Fly: A Voyage in Trance. Yeah, 12 tracks of continuous trance! It's so wonderful, and each track leads into the next one, so really, it's almost over an hour of constant music.

What I can't understand is, every time I listen to this I think to myself, hell yeah, muthafucka!! bring that funk!!, when it isn't even ghetto OR funk. ::insert perplexed maria face here:: It's a white dj, playing a steady beat. Yeah, go figure, right? I think it's the spirit of the tracks, and the association I have between trance and clubs. Or y'know, it could just be the funk I bring when I'm listening to it. :) But either way, hell yeah, muthafucka!!!

1. This movie absolutely me rompio la corazon--had to watch it for my spanish class this afternoon.

2. Got a box from la familia today full of girl scout cookies and other random things: we now have Tagalongs, Trefoils, Thin Mints, Somoas, and those wedding cookie ones. Yeah, with the powdered sugar....in the lime green box. Exactly!! What else was in the box? A random Oedipux Tex tape (cause I have a cassette player at school, thanks mom!! And, Oedipus Tex?? Oh my... what the hell is that anyway?) and some of those free pamphlets from our church. Y'know, those little books you can help yourself to at the entrance, yeah those! What can I say? My mom is a packrat, and thought I could use the "inspiration". Sure thing mom. But it's all good, it's the thought that counts. And besides, I have cookies. :)

3. Speaking of cookies, Michelle is quite worked up that her box of "Caramel Delights" and my box of "Samoas" are completely different. The boxes are different shapes, and get this: the cookies look completely different! Mine look old school, like you would expect a Samoa to look, and hers, well... they look deflated, discolored even. Come to find out, these Northern cookies are from some ABC distributor, and mine are from the old school Little Brownie place. It's pure insanity in 221, folks. Watch out!!

I'm going through one of those moments, you know... One of those little ethereal gifts I am lucky enough to experience.

This track has been on repeat for days.

...I return to these sounds faithfully, trying to discern the exact moment my heart was ripped from my naive grasp. I'm standing in a pool of my own vacant, emotional blood, searching for that boundary: where does the music end and...

Where do I begin?

The roomie, in talking to Logan about my deep-rooted obssession with Aragorn:

Her: I'm just saying, you may have to fight for her
Him: I'll kick his ass.
Her: yeah!
Him: What he doesn't know is that I'm Irish and we're natural scrapers.
Her: though he does have all that natural stubble..
Him: Just get me alittle buzzed and I'll rip him a new one.
Her: whoo! Scared of you!
Him: So the men in my family don't have great facial hair.
Him: but I have one giant advantage
Her: oh?
Him: I am not a fictional character.

1. Random, *ahem* anonymous quote: "If you don't love your vagina, who will?"

2. Yay for crap movies with the girls. Swimfan was worse than you can possibly imagine.

3. I've gotten so much random sleep this weekend--crazy afternoon naps!!! So it really shouldn't matter that we're switching our clocks an hour ahead, but it's the principle of the thing, right? Less sleep = right to bitch. Exactly.

THE LIST is now online!! Thanks to Flora and Anna!!
Not the full work mind you... but it's no small feat, to be sure. :)

Big news!!!

My brother is going to the ND football camp this summer!! Granted, he is missing my birthday, but it's cool. Ever since we were little, the both of us have been obssessed with anything Notre Dame. We used to say I was going to be in the band and he was going to be on the football team, both of us on the Irish field. When Rudy came out, that's all we watched. When it came time to apply to schools, Notre Dame was at the top of the list. I mailed in my application, for early decision, and before Christmas I got a letter saying I was put on the waiting list for admission. So things were still okay... I still had some hope of being admitted to the engineering program. And then that terrible February day when I got the thin envelope: my mom came in from work to find me sitting on the living room floor just staring at the envelope and sobbing. She tried to console me, saying everything would be okay; my dad came home and I left the unopened envelope for him, saying he owed me the twenty dollars he bet me I would be let in. He won, Notre Dame didn't want me in their engineering program. Such a sad day in the neighborhood.

That day, my brother told me not to worry, he was going to play it safe, and go for business and play football.

Wow. That all seems like so long ago, and it was, a little over two years. The crazy thing is, I still love Notre Dame. Whenever BC plays ND I am always secretly cheering for the Irish, and if BC happens to triumph, which we never deserve in my opinion, it's just one more reason why everything turned out okay. And now, my brother is gearing up for football recruitment. Granted, he's only a sophomore right now, but he only has this summer before his recruitment kicks in.

My brother was joking with me on the phone Sunday night, saying he would go to camp for ND next year too, and when Tyrone (the original bad ass, or BA, himself) asks him if he wants to play for the Irish, he would be like, "Well...I'm not so sure, coach. I think maybe you should come on down to Georgia. Y'know, have dinner with my family, and lay out my options for me... You can meet my sister, 'cause she's obssessed with you and all...and yeah... Maybe I'll consider playing for you."

So we'll see how things go.
I'm sure he can do what I couldn't.