salience

A glowstick, that's what it reminds me of--how it doesn't illuminate until you snap the plastic at the bubble inside. That's the only thing that comes close to describing how I feel right now. Sure, I'm busy, living by the "just-in-time" philosophy. Things seem to just interlock, like a split second difference in any aspect of my life would completely alter where I am right now.

My car is in Boston, shivering in the MA spring of a BC parking lot. This weekend is the kick-off for my round of the CWP internship. I'm on a really great team with Aleksandra, one of the coolest girls I have ever met. She is mid twenties, European, has lived stateside for about eight years, and has done the program four times. She is my team's district manager, or shrink, if you will. The person we're to call when we can't take anymore, when we're on cloud nine, and who will call us to tell us how it is. My team is mostly BC and UMass Amherst folk, for the most part, ten really great people. Four of us are Juniors at BC, and we've already clicked. Our meeting last night was only just to "check in," and ended up lasting two hours. It was such a relief to talk about all of the stress and anticipation we're going through, to already feel comfortable with who we're going to be working with, if only on a more abstract level.

My zipcode is Danvers, MA. It's been known to be a good territory in the past, Aleks is psyched for me. We both anticipate success on my part. I have all of the right tools, it's merely a matter of getting out there and doing it. I know I can run a $100,000 business. It's going to be positively fantastic to do, and will do wonders for my self-confidence. I wish I could reduce my enthusiasm to words, but you will just have to trust me on this one. :)

Classes are crazy, as usual. It's shocking to take a step back and realize just how challenging BC is. The wonderful thing is professors care about your career after school. Class time has shifted from "here's what you need to know for the exam" to "here's how this will help you five years from now." I can't get enough of it. Having professors care about your mental process not only while in their classes, but your epiphanies months from now makes the $576/class worth it. Plus, even if it isn't the easiest thing to do right now, I know my degree can only catapult me that much further down the road.

My RA job is great. I'm researching the Hudson Bay Company (based in Canada) for an Organizational Behavior professor. I'm learning all of this crazy fur/goods trading business which reminds me of Centennial. So basically I work 19 hours of Michener every week. :)

Band is my life, still. I do not know what I would do without music. I've decided I will play in a group no matter where I end up after school. I just can't imagine putting my clarinet/alto/conducting aside completely. Recruiting has started for the upcoming season, as well as leadership training. Only a few more weeks until drum major tryouts and I can't wait. My excitement is building, and people can't wait to see me in front of the band. Let's just hope two and two add up to four. :)

I'm really thankful for my friends here. I do miss my family and it will be hard not going home for Easter break. (The first break I will have not gone home, yikes!!) But while my roots are with my blood, my life is in Chestnut Hill. I can't quantify the light the things I do and the people I know contribute to my soul. But sometimes I just look around and think, how can I not be thankful for each second??

Today is a spring day at BC, and it goes a little something like this:

Around 8am a brisk, clear day greets the university. We children are happy to see the sun, adding to the excitement of the coming weekend. By 10am, cold drizzle has creeped in while everyone is in class. Kids are bummed, getting caught in the rain in the wrong clothes is not on the collective, "this is great" list. The rain can't decide whether it wants to stay or go, but its indecision has left the campus slick and hurried. By 2pm the rain has been exchanged for snow. Us lucky ones are already inside, lazily watching another storm blanket our world.

This world is an illusion.
All of us holographic and transparent.
Each detail someone else's game.
And one day you realize your truth
Is someone else's vicious laughter.
And your heart breaks, again,
Because it is all you know.
All society taught you of education.
Because knowledge is only power
When the lights are out.
Alone, each of us fumbling in the dark,
Searching for ourselves.
We trip and fall, always struggling to our feet,
Because maybe one day, all of this will be worth it.
Blind and bruised we continue.
Cold and looking for a warmth we can't place.
Forever moving to be where we're not,
Never seeing this circle we trace in the shadows.

Nearing the end of my Spring Break, folks. I'm getting over the bronchitis, after getting not only my roommates and friends sick, but my familia as well. It's horrible, festering a plague in Chestnut Hill only to bring it to GA. I'll most likely be back in Alphataterville for Easter, but it all seems so final right now. Getting my poor rollerskate of a car up to Boston has been the cause of much stress, and the idea of having to drive and care for it in MA only adds to it. Things are so much simpler when one only has to get on the T, right? Ah, public transportation. :)

I'm walking a fine line between living my life and only seeing the bullet points. I am fortunate to be allowed so many opportunities, but it is overwhelming from the wrong perspective. I have to remind myself that I do all of these things because I can. Today may be all that I can carry, but I will build this house.