salience
January 2, 2003
The past week and a half has been a hectic time for me. I am developing a new rubric for myself: the old one just doesn't work anymore. It's awkward, it doesn't fit. I used to think, "Don't worry, you have it all figured out. You have a plan. Everything is cool." Now I am realizing that my plan just plain sucks.
I came up with my previous plan with just me in mind. I suppose I could use the term self-sufficient to describe myself. I never really considered the possibility of finding someone that means the world to me. Now, I am tossing out the old: I need room for two, room for a life for two. I have lived through the life fit for one, and it's suffocating. My dad was in the Army, and it was very rough trying to fit 5 more people into a one person slot. We did it, and it's over.
But I don't want to repeat the past. I used to think I had to be in the Army, to honor my Dad and my uncle and my grandfather and my aunt. But now I see: those four reasons are not what I should base my decision on, I have to consider myself. Don't get me wrong, the Army is a phenomenal insitution, one I have great respect for, one I will feel will always be a part of me. My rotc experience has been exceptional. But it is done. I have many more lives to live.
I came up with my previous plan with just me in mind. I suppose I could use the term self-sufficient to describe myself. I never really considered the possibility of finding someone that means the world to me. Now, I am tossing out the old: I need room for two, room for a life for two. I have lived through the life fit for one, and it's suffocating. My dad was in the Army, and it was very rough trying to fit 5 more people into a one person slot. We did it, and it's over.
But I don't want to repeat the past. I used to think I had to be in the Army, to honor my Dad and my uncle and my grandfather and my aunt. But now I see: those four reasons are not what I should base my decision on, I have to consider myself. Don't get me wrong, the Army is a phenomenal insitution, one I have great respect for, one I will feel will always be a part of me. My rotc experience has been exceptional. But it is done. I have many more lives to live.
lasaliente, 00:50
