salience
April 12, 2003
Wow. I just found one of my journals from forever ago. The first entry is dated July 15, 2001. Damn... that was a whole other world. I think back to where I was then, and I am shocked. I have grown so much. I keep going over these words, first noticing how my handwriting has changed, if only slightly, and then how scared I was, how insecure and unsure I was of everything.
So, I have come to these conclusions:
1. I am sorry Erik, if you ever read this. I really am. You were a very sweet person, and I was interested. What can I say? I didn't know how to talk to you.
2. I miss talking to you, Ellery, if you ever read this. One bad day, and you happened to call me. I still wonder how you're doing and how close you are to attaining your dreams.
3. After reflecting for a bit, I realized I always had two guys in mind at all times. If I was with one, there was always another with whom I was good friends with. Why? Good question. I don't really know the answer. Maybe I was too insecure? Maybe it was better than having to learn how to be open? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be? All I know is, I have left that Maria somewhere along the way to where I find myself now. When I look in the mirror, I am happy with my reflection and with where I am. I don't see a dream anymore, I see me.
So, I have come to these conclusions:
1. I am sorry Erik, if you ever read this. I really am. You were a very sweet person, and I was interested. What can I say? I didn't know how to talk to you.
2. I miss talking to you, Ellery, if you ever read this. One bad day, and you happened to call me. I still wonder how you're doing and how close you are to attaining your dreams.
3. After reflecting for a bit, I realized I always had two guys in mind at all times. If I was with one, there was always another with whom I was good friends with. Why? Good question. I don't really know the answer. Maybe I was too insecure? Maybe it was better than having to learn how to be open? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be? All I know is, I have left that Maria somewhere along the way to where I find myself now. When I look in the mirror, I am happy with my reflection and with where I am. I don't see a dream anymore, I see me.
lasaliente, 16:20
