salience
July 2, 2003
So I've been doing some thinking lately. No, not the routine, why-is-my-phone-bill-so-expensive thinking. (Contrary to popular belief, I am not a big phone person. True, my phone bill can be outrageous at school, but this is because the phone is my primary means of communication with my family. When I'm home, whom do I have to call?) No, this is constructing-a-new-plan thinking.
It's not that I feel like I've grown up at all, working from 7am-5pm every week day. Don't get me wrong, having to function continuously throughout the day has been an uphill battle, as I had to reclaim a routine I had not utilized since high school. And let's face it, as gossip-y and shallow as I can be sometimes, I do not relish weekly shopping to stay in fashion, and therefore hold my influence at work. (Yes, that stereotype still holds. Out of 67 interns here, just in Atlanta, 7 of us are girls. The ratio is even less when it comes to permanent employees. You have to play the game to win, for sure.)
No, it's more like I can understand this bend in the road more clearly. In the winter I had to make a decision of whether to put my health or my dreams first. Having chosen my health, it has taken quite some time for me to accept that I made the right decision, that everything will turn out okay. With that benchmark passed, I can now focus on creating new dreams. It is deceiving, I know. How does one exactly know where she wants to go in life? Isn't living an action, not a checklist? No matter how studious one may be, there are bound to be details and events that will remain unaccounted for: one just can't forsee everything.
Following that vein of thought, I have been talking with my dad a ton lately. The more we just let conversation evolve, the more I learn about the dreams he was never able to follow. It's very tragic in a way, to be half way through one's expected lifetime and to have only a few of the things he had dreamed about as a little kid. Of course, he would argue that these few things are the most essential.
I agree.
Nevertheless, it is nice to know I have his support, as well as his wisdom. We are both learning that, together, we can accomplish many things. Although we have hurt each other many times over the years, ours is a relationship that I will continue to go back to as my source of strength. And I suppose that is a daughter's right, to place one's father on a pedastal.
What I am learning though, is it is so empowering to see him continually step down, take my hand, and wait for me to lead the way.
It's not that I feel like I've grown up at all, working from 7am-5pm every week day. Don't get me wrong, having to function continuously throughout the day has been an uphill battle, as I had to reclaim a routine I had not utilized since high school. And let's face it, as gossip-y and shallow as I can be sometimes, I do not relish weekly shopping to stay in fashion, and therefore hold my influence at work. (Yes, that stereotype still holds. Out of 67 interns here, just in Atlanta, 7 of us are girls. The ratio is even less when it comes to permanent employees. You have to play the game to win, for sure.)
No, it's more like I can understand this bend in the road more clearly. In the winter I had to make a decision of whether to put my health or my dreams first. Having chosen my health, it has taken quite some time for me to accept that I made the right decision, that everything will turn out okay. With that benchmark passed, I can now focus on creating new dreams. It is deceiving, I know. How does one exactly know where she wants to go in life? Isn't living an action, not a checklist? No matter how studious one may be, there are bound to be details and events that will remain unaccounted for: one just can't forsee everything.
Following that vein of thought, I have been talking with my dad a ton lately. The more we just let conversation evolve, the more I learn about the dreams he was never able to follow. It's very tragic in a way, to be half way through one's expected lifetime and to have only a few of the things he had dreamed about as a little kid. Of course, he would argue that these few things are the most essential.
I agree.
Nevertheless, it is nice to know I have his support, as well as his wisdom. We are both learning that, together, we can accomplish many things. Although we have hurt each other many times over the years, ours is a relationship that I will continue to go back to as my source of strength. And I suppose that is a daughter's right, to place one's father on a pedastal.
What I am learning though, is it is so empowering to see him continually step down, take my hand, and wait for me to lead the way.
lasaliente, 16:37
