salience
July 27, 2003
There are many roles I could assume right now. Victim. Feminist. Moron. But I am tired of it all. I am realizing that I should be thanking you. Yes, this past week has been the worst in recent memory. But I suppose that is to be expected. What I am trying to say is, this is a first.
Always I've had a backup. An option. Conscious or no, I was waiting for things to fail. Except this time. There was no need for Plan B. I mean, this was it, right? This guy was Plan A-Z, what I had been after for three years.
But see, I've carried this weakness with me for awhile now. I don't see people for who they are, really, until after the fact. I just can't, I'm too busy projecting my dreams onto another, that I never really get to know him and vice versa. It's tragic, really. To invest all of this time and emotion without ever really getting anywhere.
This all-I-need-is-one-more-piece-of-my-puzzle stuff is worthless. If I'm not even honest with myself, how can I expect others to be honest with me? What good is a "relationship" if it's just a mirror?
Always I've had a backup. An option. Conscious or no, I was waiting for things to fail. Except this time. There was no need for Plan B. I mean, this was it, right? This guy was Plan A-Z, what I had been after for three years.
But see, I've carried this weakness with me for awhile now. I don't see people for who they are, really, until after the fact. I just can't, I'm too busy projecting my dreams onto another, that I never really get to know him and vice versa. It's tragic, really. To invest all of this time and emotion without ever really getting anywhere.
This all-I-need-is-one-more-piece-of-my-puzzle stuff is worthless. If I'm not even honest with myself, how can I expect others to be honest with me? What good is a "relationship" if it's just a mirror?
lasaliente, 22:10
