salience

It's hard to believe that I used to feel so out of place here. Awkward isn't a word I hold in my mouth when I think about my life in MA anymore. I suppose I am growing up, but really I can't remember a time when I've been able to be more childish. And maybe that's the point?? One never really grows up, she just finds new ways to be a child??

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that a child's eyes is the lens I should choose more often. The school year is coming to end, and I find myself overwhelmed by my good fortune these past months. There have been hard times. But I like to think I have some control over where I am now, that right here isn't entirely a reaction to depression and loss.

I am learning so much, which is overwhelming in itself. I have no words to describe how much CWP is challenging me, how many surprises I've encountered along the way. And it is only just now near the end of April. I can only imagine who I will be come August, preparing for the beginning of my last band camp.

I am humbled many times a day when I stop and think about just how lucky I am. From my friends and confidants I can't imagine living without, to the smiling faces I look forward to seeing in the band room, to my amazing DM Aleksandra. It's as if I'm basking in this warmth of acceptance and guidance. It's silencing, just how much potential and control I have over my life. I am where I want to be right now. The future will get here, and I know it will all fall into place. I want to have no regrets, only memories. I am at the brink of opportunity because I've worked so hard to get here.

It's a state of thankful euphoria I never want to leave.
A prism, each day's light reflecting the many colors of my life.
Everything individual and unique.
Yet in the collective, an experience so completely mine.