salience

Maybe it was the bag of sunny lemons she was carrying.  Such a summer thing, lemmons.  Not just the juice in the plastic, look a like container, but a plastic, grocer's bag full of lemmons.  It made me happy, and I smiled.  One of those moments when you're glad you can see in color, it's so vibrant and joyous.  She complimented me later on my mighty girl shirt, and thanked me endlessly it seemed when she was ahead of me in line and realized she had forgotten her shaw's card.  I offered her mine, apparently there was a store discount on lemmons...
 
Regardless the entire exchange left me content.  As did the hour long conversation with el papa.  The twins are starting band stuff for Alpharetta High School, the Milton idea ends with my brother, who's already tied up with football happenings.  (A relief, in my opinion.  He still doesn't believe me when it comes to the embarrassment I have to deal with when I mention where I went to high school and what I don't know as a result--hopefully he will not have the same college transition I did.)  Turns out puppy Purdy's tumor was cancerous.  It was removed a little bit ago finally, due to divorce coordination problems and the like, which was too late apparently.  Melinda is devastated, which is to be expected, Purdita was her baby.  The decision on whether to get the puppy treatment is still up in the air, the radiation would be expensive and wouldn't prolong her life much.  The familia is leaning towards putting her to sleep.  That would make both dogs dead in one year.  Blackie of pneumonia and Purdy of cancer.  Grandma dead of leukemia and parents divorced.  What else can happen, right? 
 
This summer has been an experience.  My first on my own, dealing with a job ending and starting a new one.  Living with 9 other privileged BC kids whom I had never met previously.  It's been lonley many times.  I usually put a movie on the tv just so I have some noise in the room.  Erika, my roommate, is a live in nanny for a family on Cape Cod, so she's only here on the weekends.  I do 7-4 with Ascend, and then various other band and Rafanelli things in addition.  It's been cool being around in Boston for the summer.  Alex and I spend a lot of time together as well, which is always fun, be it at the gym, going to movies or just hanging out.  1661 is a sort of haven, what with Clark, Kevin and Tim (plus sometimes Remy) living there, from the BCness of 55 Algonquin.  I miss my STM girls, definitely.
 
The divorce issues I have are quieting down now.  It's not about picking sides, although it's easily construed that way.  No matter how many fights you have with any one person, it all comes down to a irreconcileable disagreement between your parents.  It's alienating and frustrating.  I told la mama not to call me, just because it can never just be hi, how are you doing?  And it's odd, but I'd rather be upset that we don't talk than upset because we yell.  And both say they don't want to put you in the middle, and I honestly believe that they don't.  But it can't be avoided.  Kids end up as ammunition, even when we're silent.
 
Anything can be explained to benefit or hurt someone, it's all perspective.  And we'll all be fine.  We've been solving our own problems our entire lives, it's self-sufficiency and unavalability of resources.  It's easy to deal with things on your own when you don't have the luxury of some smiling, sympathetic shrink.  You know your feelings, you know where you've been. 
 
We kids stick together cause it's all we know. 
We keep our mouths closed because our opinions only matter when they tell us. 
It's not our fight and we don't want any part of it. 
We just want it all to be over. 
Two months is long enough of an emotional hell. 
We have our own lives. 
We don't run, but we don't wait. 
We've got things to do and dreams to realize.