salience
September 20, 2004
"I can't even begin to say anything that will prepare you," she said.
"How morbid and the complete antithesis of comforting," I thought.
But it's true. And in many respects, that one sentence describes my senior year so far. Liz graduated last year and was drum major of the bcmb her junior and senior year. Junior and senior year? you may be asking. And I was wondering too. Why on earth would you put yourself under so much stress, again, willingly??
The bandnicks kept asking, "Nervous?" And no, I wasn't. I hardly ever am, anymore, once I'm in front of people. It's 45,000 people in that stadium, plus everyone outside and around. But I've done everything before now, it's not a gray area. And it's weird, being the only one not watching the game in the stands. But I'm getting used to the constant tightness in my back, and I'm learning to depend on people. I can't control everything, even if I am responsible for it all.
We're making the long trek down to Wake Forest this coming Friday morning. True, we don't merge to the ACC officially until next year, but Athletics sees this game as a smooth transition. People talk about our team being 3-0, and it's neat, feeling like I had an impact for the two home games so far. Like when we play a SuperFan favorite and the entire student section is jumping to the music, shaking my podium and making the microphone behind me bounce. And sure, the politics of it all sucks. But even through the petty and stupid misconceptions, internal and external, I know it's true.
Whenever we get together and go out under the lights, it hits me. These 200 folks, this is my band. And you know what?? No one else could do what I do here, now. That's the confidence that sustains me everytime I climb that ladder or run up the podium. I stand above, I breathe, and I smile. "Here, let me share our music with you."
"How morbid and the complete antithesis of comforting," I thought.
But it's true. And in many respects, that one sentence describes my senior year so far. Liz graduated last year and was drum major of the bcmb her junior and senior year. Junior and senior year? you may be asking. And I was wondering too. Why on earth would you put yourself under so much stress, again, willingly??
The bandnicks kept asking, "Nervous?" And no, I wasn't. I hardly ever am, anymore, once I'm in front of people. It's 45,000 people in that stadium, plus everyone outside and around. But I've done everything before now, it's not a gray area. And it's weird, being the only one not watching the game in the stands. But I'm getting used to the constant tightness in my back, and I'm learning to depend on people. I can't control everything, even if I am responsible for it all.
We're making the long trek down to Wake Forest this coming Friday morning. True, we don't merge to the ACC officially until next year, but Athletics sees this game as a smooth transition. People talk about our team being 3-0, and it's neat, feeling like I had an impact for the two home games so far. Like when we play a SuperFan favorite and the entire student section is jumping to the music, shaking my podium and making the microphone behind me bounce. And sure, the politics of it all sucks. But even through the petty and stupid misconceptions, internal and external, I know it's true.
Whenever we get together and go out under the lights, it hits me. These 200 folks, this is my band. And you know what?? No one else could do what I do here, now. That's the confidence that sustains me everytime I climb that ladder or run up the podium. I stand above, I breathe, and I smile. "Here, let me share our music with you."
lasaliente, 10:03
