salience
December 27, 2004
Some pensamientos, last minute maybe, but current:
Leaving for the bowl game tomorrow afternoon from San Anto, Continental Tire Bowl in Charlotte. The game isn't until the 30th, at one pm to be precise, yet we are all going to be there el lunes. Practice time, performance time, no matter: I'm focusing on it being the last time I will perform with the bcmb. You see, I'm one of the lucky ones, we are only taking 29 instrumentalists, one conductor, six visual team members, and then staff: Dave, Kristen, BFaulks and Keith. The majority will be seniors, although four were left out, namely My Shell. Yet, I don't want to talk about that, snarf. I used to stress majorly before practices, unable to eat I was so nervous. I later found out this was normal from Liz, the drum major for the bcmb for two years prior, she did the same. I would just go over scores, recordings, notes I had made myself from the previous practice. It's a lot of responsibility, many lists to keep in your head. Two hundred people depend on you, so do thousands of fans. One can say that holding an insanely huge number of tempos and cues isn't difficult, or even staying two minutes ahead of the band is relatively easy. But the thing is, when you're in front, on the ladder, trash can, podium, what have you, nothing is going through your mind. You don't notice faces or smiles, all you have is This Moment Right Now, and you can't even hear the music. It's an echo to what you must do next. Your hands are moving, but you don't feel it. The music is all behind your eyes, regardless of what the mics pick up. In August it was overwhelming just stepping up on the podium, now I can say I've done it all already. Whatever we perform in Charlotte, I will have lead before, even if not for so few. Our instrumentation might be different, parts exchanged along with our stadium for a larger audience on game day, but we'll rock it 'cause that's what we do. No, this time I'm remembering all of the glamour everyone else sees: the loyal older fans, the viejitos who would walk alongside me before our Team Walk to the stadium's edge who would yell, "I come here every game to see you!! That smile, your band, that's why I come back!!" I'll be thinking of the smiles I'd get from parents when we would play on the steps when I'd be setting up the ladder, excusing my disturbing their well-planned tailgates, asking if they'd mind us playing for them for a little bit?? "You see, we have this music we'd love ya'll to hear," as my shins balanced that ladder. It's not about me, or Dave screaming something I don't even listen to anymore, it's what this program has meant to me all of these years. It's who I am, Maria as of diciembre 2004.
Alex "The Koalito" and I are back together. (Smile.) A couple of months ago I would have told you I expected it to turn out differently, but like with so many things this semestre, I'm taking things on intuition, going with what feels right. Spending Navidad Eve with him and his familia, at the Marionite mass, seeing celebrities at a neighborhood bar, jokes and laughing with his friends, him at 3510 Elk Cliff Pass befriending Jengibre and the puppy Purdita, he's here and it makes sense. The familia was happy to see him again, back in the groove with established jokes and references. Funny how things just fall into place, how we're at the right place at the right time. I'm lucky in so many things, there is so much to be grateful for each morning when I open my eyes. And it's cool that I can say that now. It's definitely been awhile since I've sincerely articulated that, you know??
Leaving for the bowl game tomorrow afternoon from San Anto, Continental Tire Bowl in Charlotte. The game isn't until the 30th, at one pm to be precise, yet we are all going to be there el lunes. Practice time, performance time, no matter: I'm focusing on it being the last time I will perform with the bcmb. You see, I'm one of the lucky ones, we are only taking 29 instrumentalists, one conductor, six visual team members, and then staff: Dave, Kristen, BFaulks and Keith. The majority will be seniors, although four were left out, namely My Shell. Yet, I don't want to talk about that, snarf. I used to stress majorly before practices, unable to eat I was so nervous. I later found out this was normal from Liz, the drum major for the bcmb for two years prior, she did the same. I would just go over scores, recordings, notes I had made myself from the previous practice. It's a lot of responsibility, many lists to keep in your head. Two hundred people depend on you, so do thousands of fans. One can say that holding an insanely huge number of tempos and cues isn't difficult, or even staying two minutes ahead of the band is relatively easy. But the thing is, when you're in front, on the ladder, trash can, podium, what have you, nothing is going through your mind. You don't notice faces or smiles, all you have is This Moment Right Now, and you can't even hear the music. It's an echo to what you must do next. Your hands are moving, but you don't feel it. The music is all behind your eyes, regardless of what the mics pick up. In August it was overwhelming just stepping up on the podium, now I can say I've done it all already. Whatever we perform in Charlotte, I will have lead before, even if not for so few. Our instrumentation might be different, parts exchanged along with our stadium for a larger audience on game day, but we'll rock it 'cause that's what we do. No, this time I'm remembering all of the glamour everyone else sees: the loyal older fans, the viejitos who would walk alongside me before our Team Walk to the stadium's edge who would yell, "I come here every game to see you!! That smile, your band, that's why I come back!!" I'll be thinking of the smiles I'd get from parents when we would play on the steps when I'd be setting up the ladder, excusing my disturbing their well-planned tailgates, asking if they'd mind us playing for them for a little bit?? "You see, we have this music we'd love ya'll to hear," as my shins balanced that ladder. It's not about me, or Dave screaming something I don't even listen to anymore, it's what this program has meant to me all of these years. It's who I am, Maria as of diciembre 2004.
Alex "The Koalito" and I are back together. (Smile.) A couple of months ago I would have told you I expected it to turn out differently, but like with so many things this semestre, I'm taking things on intuition, going with what feels right. Spending Navidad Eve with him and his familia, at the Marionite mass, seeing celebrities at a neighborhood bar, jokes and laughing with his friends, him at 3510 Elk Cliff Pass befriending Jengibre and the puppy Purdita, he's here and it makes sense. The familia was happy to see him again, back in the groove with established jokes and references. Funny how things just fall into place, how we're at the right place at the right time. I'm lucky in so many things, there is so much to be grateful for each morning when I open my eyes. And it's cool that I can say that now. It's definitely been awhile since I've sincerely articulated that, you know??
lasaliente, 01:01
