salience

We smiled and thanked even though we knew he was right. "You guys sound great," Seb gushed, "doesn't that feel wonderful?? I mean, there's nothing like it." And he's right. We all agreed to play in our clarinet quartet because there was something we saw in our ensembles' rehearsals that we liked of the other, but we wanted another context. And there have been many nights like tonight, when we are there before and after most other members, going through the dynamics and the directions we want to take things, but it's what we want to do. There's no way to contain in words just how limitless musical interpretation can be, and the strength and emotion involved when a group creates a focus is overwhelming. We laugh and make jokes, even referring to things from months ago, 'cause yes darlin, it really has been that long. But when kids stop their rush to leave after ensemble rehearsal to listen to what you're playing, just taking it in and appreciating, that is beyond gratifying.

It's ArtsFest, and we are all of us stretched and stressed with endless lines of rehearsals, set up, organization, and performing. But in the end, it's what we do. And even though I know so many of my peers are seeking to find themselves and learn just what it is that makes them yearn to exist, I am happy to say I've known for quite some years what sustains me. This time is bittersweet, a conclusion of my performing for a good while, although I am sure I will return to the stage soon enough. And I guess you could say I do feel left out at times, not sticking to the the BC timeline of how alumni and parents want my year to end. Yet the silence doesn't frighten me, and although my path hasn't been as linear as that of some, I have been fortunate enough to be the musician that I am here. The family I cherish is self-supported, underfunded and often purposefully ignored, but I will carry you, and our music, with me always.