salience
May 9, 2005
It's a deep pain, your soul there on the bottom of that ravine staring blindingly high squint into someone else's crowning day. And it's not that you covet, invisibilty has its advantages. But please, not here, not today, and not after everything.
You put yourself out there because not doing so was always an alternative but never an option. This is your alma, who you are everyday and it was all natural and right. But then there's another who forces his way in, and does not improve upon anything, but sits silently and calmly awaits his turn. He's a newcomer and talented, but ego driven and solitary. Never enhancing, merely forming and taking opportunities for himself. And even though you have the smiles and hearts of those around you, so many jokes and memories, he has the respect of someone you looked up to for years. In fact, you still do, as painful as it is.
Your mentor, he's someone who respected you until you prepared and agreed to take a position, a total of two years, splitting your bc expanse in half. You Then and You Now. You Mentor Training and You Experienced. And who you are now is different. No longer wide eyed and curious, you are realistic and knowing. What you went through and experienced you are using to establish traditions: to prepare the future. Naively intent, you do so of your own will, because how can you not?? You were there and you did it: this leadership is second nature now. Often you think it's because of all of those challenges that you have what you do today...
No one else was around for you to hide behind, you were very much alone, under those bright lights. Never before knowing what your fomerly beloved mentor was capable of, before the unbearable treatment and still you returned. Night after night, you were there, under those lights, once again to prove that you weren't going to back down. He would remember: you took this because you could directly affect and change. Lead in front of thousands because you are the best.
Lead you did, as a leech stood back in the shadows, all opportunistic talent smiles, forever agreeing two seconds after a majority became apparent. It's politics and to be expected, and as usual, the hardworkers, the ones who killed themselves to ensure the success of our program, were the responsible ones who weren't afforded the luxury to speak second. Our words had to be first, and because of that any recognition and thanks slid past us easily, straight into the clean hands of those who barely participated.
It's heart wrenching, to stand alone, always ahead of those who need you. And when it's all said and done, no reaction other than a face of fallen expectation: you, my friend, were not enough. Your heart, your time, and you yourself disappointed him. And as the lights go out for the last time, you're watching one giddily smile and pass you by. 'Cause even though you're no longer alone, they can stand with you now, he didn't remember and you just weren't enough.
You put yourself out there because not doing so was always an alternative but never an option. This is your alma, who you are everyday and it was all natural and right. But then there's another who forces his way in, and does not improve upon anything, but sits silently and calmly awaits his turn. He's a newcomer and talented, but ego driven and solitary. Never enhancing, merely forming and taking opportunities for himself. And even though you have the smiles and hearts of those around you, so many jokes and memories, he has the respect of someone you looked up to for years. In fact, you still do, as painful as it is.
Your mentor, he's someone who respected you until you prepared and agreed to take a position, a total of two years, splitting your bc expanse in half. You Then and You Now. You Mentor Training and You Experienced. And who you are now is different. No longer wide eyed and curious, you are realistic and knowing. What you went through and experienced you are using to establish traditions: to prepare the future. Naively intent, you do so of your own will, because how can you not?? You were there and you did it: this leadership is second nature now. Often you think it's because of all of those challenges that you have what you do today...
No one else was around for you to hide behind, you were very much alone, under those bright lights. Never before knowing what your fomerly beloved mentor was capable of, before the unbearable treatment and still you returned. Night after night, you were there, under those lights, once again to prove that you weren't going to back down. He would remember: you took this because you could directly affect and change. Lead in front of thousands because you are the best.
Lead you did, as a leech stood back in the shadows, all opportunistic talent smiles, forever agreeing two seconds after a majority became apparent. It's politics and to be expected, and as usual, the hardworkers, the ones who killed themselves to ensure the success of our program, were the responsible ones who weren't afforded the luxury to speak second. Our words had to be first, and because of that any recognition and thanks slid past us easily, straight into the clean hands of those who barely participated.
It's heart wrenching, to stand alone, always ahead of those who need you. And when it's all said and done, no reaction other than a face of fallen expectation: you, my friend, were not enough. Your heart, your time, and you yourself disappointed him. And as the lights go out for the last time, you're watching one giddily smile and pass you by. 'Cause even though you're no longer alone, they can stand with you now, he didn't remember and you just weren't enough.
lasaliente, 19:38
