salience

Really I've had enough. Why can people not understand that I am doing so much better than just "getting by?" Yeah, the first couple of months were tight, but I'm now eight months into this journey. Why do they feel a need to assume that I am miserable just because I took a chance and moved to a place where I intentionally knew no one? Sure, there are bc people around, but I am not going out of my way to cater to anyone else's schedule. If we meet up, great. If not, it's cool.

A guy at work and I were talking and he was amazed that I had "just up and left" before the class of 2005 had even graduated. Sure, there were circumstances which meant I could not stay for that final week, but he said he would expect me, especially being a woman, and especially being so close with mi familia, to have stuck around and put off growing up. I asked if he meant by continuing in school or what? And he said, "No, but living on your own, dealing with all those transition struggles by yourself, the stress of living in this place and working and doing your best... And you don't want anyone to go home to? No guy, no girls from back in the day, no family?"

Cousins are asking if I'm okay and how is it living up here. And I am trying very hard not to come off mean and snobby about it, but ya'll, really this isn't much different from what I've been doing for the past four years at BC. Suddenly I turn 22 and I'm supposed to run back to GA and live with el papa? For what? No offense to mi gente who are back with their folks after graduation, but that was never in my plan. I was out and gone as soon as I could be.

Remember I am an Army brat. Moving doesn't scare me. I've done it so many times, and meeting new people and living in places where I don't already have a network established doesn't intimidate me. Give me two hours and I can make any room I've moved into feel like home. For me, it's not an address that makes a place a home, but what I am doing in life which brings forth a satisfaction and that comfort. Family and friends are a plane ticket or a bus ride away. And really, what more could a girl need other than her ten year old Abyssinian gato for company? :) (Just kidding, Shell.) Not to mention all of the great people I've found here.

Life is finite ya'll, but not definite. Who knows what manana will bring, and I can't wait around for another dawn to do what I want to do with my life.

I feel like most kids from my graduating class, whether at bc or back in high school, are still making plans for "when they grow up." I'm making plans for two years down the road after I've already been out in the working world and making my individual contributions to society. Am I on a different plane of existence or what ya'll? Why am I so weird? Why am I some "enigma?" Isn't this, living for yourself and doing what you got to do for you, what life is?

Getting married right away and having kids is not what I wanted to do. But please don't misunderstand me, I hold nothing against those who feel that is the best path for them. If you're happy, I'm happy.

No, my life after graduation wasn't an answer I was looking for frantically. New York wasn't a last ditch choice 'cause my top three were rained on. This is it. I was looking for a bigger challenge, a bigger mountain to climb. Yeah, the top is a lonely place, but people!!

The view is indescribable. I have stories already that I want to tell my children, and I can't wait to collect more. But I can wait until I am ready to settle down and bring my four ninos into the world, okay? And no, I can't clearly see where I'll be in five years time. I'm okay with that. City life is expensive, quick and intense, but it's a phase I have to make the most of because right now, for me, it's where I want to be.

I refuse to ask permission to do what I think is right for me, pero por dios, dejame vivir en paz.