salience
April 7, 2007
"I am trying to believe."
Yesterday was Good Friday and I took a half day off of work to go to church in the afternoon. I went to St. Patrick's, the cathedral on Fifth Avenue, across from Rockefeller Center. They were holding an event with the Archbishop called, "Three Hours' Reflection on the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ." It was a reflection on the seven last words of Jesus, and for each word, the audience would participate in a call and response with the cantor, followed by a latin hymn from the amazing choir, followed by a reflection by the Archbishop. The three hours passed very quickly. Easter weekend two years ago was a very hard time for me, so I spent most of service reflecting on the past three years of my life.
My family has been religious in its own right, but we never were your typical Sunday service socialites. We kept to ourselves: faith is a private thing we never really shared amongst ourselves or with anyone else. At BC I could never check into the Catholic Lite of the Jesuits: an amended mass to appeal to more students, priests showing tattoos they got on immersion trips, and then there was the time Father Don (the band's priest) stripped off his collar to reveal a SuperFan shirt before a home game. That image resonated with me, and I never could take him seriously as a religious leader after that. Sure, it was in good fun. But throwing down a collar? It would be like an Army officer ripping off the American Flag she wears on her right shoulder. Some things should remain sacred, if for no other reason than fudamental respect.
I've been listening to Year Zero constantly, the new Nine Inch Nails album, even though it hasn't officially been released yet (not until 17 April). The campaign behind getting the word out on this work has been nothing short of inspiring. It's the kind of guerrilla marketing that makes me believe in artists today: inclusion of the fans, and beginning the album's experience with the very first USB drive placed in Lisbon. The first "leak" of new material. We all need something to be excited for, something to anticipate and look forward to. Even if Reznor has created an album, in his words, "a movie soundtrack for a movie that hasn't been made yet," about a sci-fi concept, a message to be wary of a totalitarian government we could experience in the early future, the end of the world, it is addicting. One of the images on a teaser trailer loaded onto the Year Zero website is a blurry, blue road sign with the words, "I am trying to believe." It is also a lyric from the album, on a track called The Good Soldier.
Exactly. It's just like Reznor sings, "I am trying to see, I am trying to believe, This is not where I should be, I am trying to believe." I am trying to work through everything I've gone through the past few years. At times, it's easy to let the good drop out. I don't mourn the time lost anymore, the senior year memories I didn't have the choice to make, the holidays and the now awkward, life milestones. But it is an intriguing duality, that this weekend of all weekends I find myself drawn to a church again. The last time I can really remember being at peace in a place of worship was at my abuela's funeral. In pain, sure, but there was a peace knowing she wasn't suffering anymore. It's been a long road since her death on February 1, 2004. This Easter weekend and the 25th of this month will be hard days for me to get through, no doubt. But it's been two years, and right now, I'm just trying to believe that as more time passes, this pain will begin to fade. Maybe one day I will be able to write about the Toni Morrison ghost that follows me. But for now, just know I am trying to believe.
Yesterday was Good Friday and I took a half day off of work to go to church in the afternoon. I went to St. Patrick's, the cathedral on Fifth Avenue, across from Rockefeller Center. They were holding an event with the Archbishop called, "Three Hours' Reflection on the Passion and Death of Jesus Christ." It was a reflection on the seven last words of Jesus, and for each word, the audience would participate in a call and response with the cantor, followed by a latin hymn from the amazing choir, followed by a reflection by the Archbishop. The three hours passed very quickly. Easter weekend two years ago was a very hard time for me, so I spent most of service reflecting on the past three years of my life.
My family has been religious in its own right, but we never were your typical Sunday service socialites. We kept to ourselves: faith is a private thing we never really shared amongst ourselves or with anyone else. At BC I could never check into the Catholic Lite of the Jesuits: an amended mass to appeal to more students, priests showing tattoos they got on immersion trips, and then there was the time Father Don (the band's priest) stripped off his collar to reveal a SuperFan shirt before a home game. That image resonated with me, and I never could take him seriously as a religious leader after that. Sure, it was in good fun. But throwing down a collar? It would be like an Army officer ripping off the American Flag she wears on her right shoulder. Some things should remain sacred, if for no other reason than fudamental respect.
I've been listening to Year Zero constantly, the new Nine Inch Nails album, even though it hasn't officially been released yet (not until 17 April). The campaign behind getting the word out on this work has been nothing short of inspiring. It's the kind of guerrilla marketing that makes me believe in artists today: inclusion of the fans, and beginning the album's experience with the very first USB drive placed in Lisbon. The first "leak" of new material. We all need something to be excited for, something to anticipate and look forward to. Even if Reznor has created an album, in his words, "a movie soundtrack for a movie that hasn't been made yet," about a sci-fi concept, a message to be wary of a totalitarian government we could experience in the early future, the end of the world, it is addicting. One of the images on a teaser trailer loaded onto the Year Zero website is a blurry, blue road sign with the words, "I am trying to believe." It is also a lyric from the album, on a track called The Good Soldier.
Exactly. It's just like Reznor sings, "I am trying to see, I am trying to believe, This is not where I should be, I am trying to believe." I am trying to work through everything I've gone through the past few years. At times, it's easy to let the good drop out. I don't mourn the time lost anymore, the senior year memories I didn't have the choice to make, the holidays and the now awkward, life milestones. But it is an intriguing duality, that this weekend of all weekends I find myself drawn to a church again. The last time I can really remember being at peace in a place of worship was at my abuela's funeral. In pain, sure, but there was a peace knowing she wasn't suffering anymore. It's been a long road since her death on February 1, 2004. This Easter weekend and the 25th of this month will be hard days for me to get through, no doubt. But it's been two years, and right now, I'm just trying to believe that as more time passes, this pain will begin to fade. Maybe one day I will be able to write about the Toni Morrison ghost that follows me. But for now, just know I am trying to believe.
lasaliente, 12:07
