salience

The weather's getting warmer (it was downright hot today in the city!), and yet my mind is still down. Why am I not breaking out of this winter sadness?

Tonight, once again, I'm reminded to take the emotion out of my everyday choices. I can't analyze every single decision, it's too exhausting and self-defeating. Every morning I remind myself:

You are taking the CFA I soon, are you ready?
You are working hard to get this side project off the ground, can you make it?
Family is going through transitions, can you be what they need?
Work is hectic, can you hack the pressure?
Alex - we are having an awkward time, to say the least.

I am looking at things from the wrong angle. I am preparing for the CFA, I have a month until exam time. I am going to a 3 day review seminar at NYSSA this Friday - Sunday. I've already finished my review of all of the material and practice questions. Now I must drill and memorize formulas and take practice exams. I will make it.

The project is coming together one piece at a time. Like anything, great things worth your time require a commitment to patience.

Familia is stronger than anything, we will get through this just like we have gotten through our many (often harder) transitions before.

I have to admit it, I have it together at work. I shouldn't doubt what I know I can do, what I've done great already.

And Alex. We are both under enormous pressure right now, and I'm ashamed to say I've let things slip. It's been a gradual realization, seeing just how much responsibility I've avoided. The kind where your heart drops and you become numb to everything else around you. I was so focused on him being unreachable during my normal schedule that I didn't even make an effort for the little things. I felt slighted, but I was really the one slighting him. I feel as if I've just taken a blow to the ribs, and I can't breathe. "Distance isn't making anything grow fonder." Is it any wonder?

Que Dios me ayude.