salience
May 19, 2007
Earlier this week.
I'm running errands on my lunch break. I was out later than I should have been the night before with my adopted OH brothers, Vito and Dave. We go eat good food, end up at two bars to talk and laugh and drink great tequila. I don't drink regularly or very much when I do, but I'm either a tequila or jack daniels girl for sure. The next morning, I'm fine. I don't get hangovers for some reason. But I'm not rested and I hurry through my morning routine to make sure I am at my desk early. I leave Sphinx confused, they way he gets when I'm not home long enough and he wonders where I go all of the time. By lunch I've made a list of all of the toiletries I'm low on and I leave my desk on a mission to find great cards for my sisters' graduation.
I'm in line at the pharmacy across the street, and I hear "Maria. Psst, Maria." It's another Dave, this one from work. Possibly my favorite of the lot. Or second favorite, definitely top three. We exchange pleasantries and start joking about his latest trip. He goes quiet and it's my turn to be rung up. The card machine is out, so after two attempts I pay with cash. As I turn to leave, I decide to wait for him and make our way back up to the 25th floor together. I pass three women in line behind him, and each gives me a look followed by a smile. Once outside Dave confesses, "I told those women you must be stealing, you were taking so long at the register. But then each agreed, you're far too beautiful to need to steal. Folks would gladly give you anything just to see you smile." I blushed. But really, what is there to steal in a CVS?
Today.
First at a queens car wash in Long Island City. I'm standing at the exit, waiting on my car to clear the cleaning line, hopefully free of the Roosevelt Island Motorgate Garage grime. Y'all who know me best, know I'm very particular about my rollerskate. It is my baby, all four cylinders. I hate seeing it dirty. Taking care of that vehicle instills so much pride, I cannot even begin to put it into words. But back to the carwash. I'm waiting. A stout, hispanic man with a huge belly and a blinking blue tooth bug in his ear walks slowly and deliberately up to me. He looks me straight in the eye, points a stubby finger and yells, "You! You have these fellas here nervous, they're all watching you. Because of you, they locked my keys in my car!" I didn't say anything, I just smiled and watched as an embarrassed attendant ran inside to get a professional, pink wire to unlock the driver side door. My car exited next and I walked up to the two guys toweling it down. Belly man was two cars over, still shouting. "What's wrong with you guys?! Never seen a gorgeous woman before?!" The guys finished quickly, asking me over and over if everything was to my liking. I thanked them warmly, smiled and drove off.
Then, at a Petco back in Levittown to get Sphinx's prescribed comida.
I wandered around the store slowly. I love large stores. I'm like el papa in that way. Give me a huge grocery store, hardware store, pet store, music store, book store and I can wander around happy for as long as I'm permitted. Finally I made my way up to the tattoed, pierced cashier, my eight pound bag of cat food in my hands. He yawned politely and then asked me if I knew who Anne Hathaway was. I nodded yes and he said, "You look just like her. I think she's a great actress, please take it as a compliment. When you first walked in I thought, is Anne here in my store?! I think you're absolutely beautiful." I laughed and thanked him, "I don't think Anne Hathaway would be in here on a Saturday morning buying food for her cat, but thank you."
I walked out of the automatic doors to my clean car all smiles. Even on the drive up Hempstead Turnpike to Monro's to get my car inspected (so much cheaper than the LIC guys I was towed to two weeks ago when my car's battery/starter quit, only $37 versus LIC's $80), I was still smiling. I question my appearance every now and again. I don't see myself clearly, but who does? I break my face down into parts I manipulate with make up every morning. An old art trick I learned long ago and then adapted to apply to my face. Proportions and shading. I see each part, not the end result.
Why is it when I'm feeling the most unattractive, the most undesirable that these things happen to me? I had just woken up, showered and whatnot and walked out the door. No big red carpet event, no reason to feel glamorous. Just jeans, a T-shirt and sweater, getting things done.
These words, they just fall in my lap. It's like I said in my last post, you never really know what to expect each day, you can only take things as they come. Routine errands have reminded me that I am a beautiful person. Despite my self-doubt and anxiety, I can affect people. Positively. People react to my smile, and I can't help but feel abuela's words coming to mind. "M'ja," she used to say, "you have a gift. A presence. Smile and laugh even when you feel your worst, and the world will want to help pick you up." I used to always laugh when she'd say that, but maybe she was right after all.
I'm running errands on my lunch break. I was out later than I should have been the night before with my adopted OH brothers, Vito and Dave. We go eat good food, end up at two bars to talk and laugh and drink great tequila. I don't drink regularly or very much when I do, but I'm either a tequila or jack daniels girl for sure. The next morning, I'm fine. I don't get hangovers for some reason. But I'm not rested and I hurry through my morning routine to make sure I am at my desk early. I leave Sphinx confused, they way he gets when I'm not home long enough and he wonders where I go all of the time. By lunch I've made a list of all of the toiletries I'm low on and I leave my desk on a mission to find great cards for my sisters' graduation.
I'm in line at the pharmacy across the street, and I hear "Maria. Psst, Maria." It's another Dave, this one from work. Possibly my favorite of the lot. Or second favorite, definitely top three. We exchange pleasantries and start joking about his latest trip. He goes quiet and it's my turn to be rung up. The card machine is out, so after two attempts I pay with cash. As I turn to leave, I decide to wait for him and make our way back up to the 25th floor together. I pass three women in line behind him, and each gives me a look followed by a smile. Once outside Dave confesses, "I told those women you must be stealing, you were taking so long at the register. But then each agreed, you're far too beautiful to need to steal. Folks would gladly give you anything just to see you smile." I blushed. But really, what is there to steal in a CVS?
Today.
First at a queens car wash in Long Island City. I'm standing at the exit, waiting on my car to clear the cleaning line, hopefully free of the Roosevelt Island Motorgate Garage grime. Y'all who know me best, know I'm very particular about my rollerskate. It is my baby, all four cylinders. I hate seeing it dirty. Taking care of that vehicle instills so much pride, I cannot even begin to put it into words. But back to the carwash. I'm waiting. A stout, hispanic man with a huge belly and a blinking blue tooth bug in his ear walks slowly and deliberately up to me. He looks me straight in the eye, points a stubby finger and yells, "You! You have these fellas here nervous, they're all watching you. Because of you, they locked my keys in my car!" I didn't say anything, I just smiled and watched as an embarrassed attendant ran inside to get a professional, pink wire to unlock the driver side door. My car exited next and I walked up to the two guys toweling it down. Belly man was two cars over, still shouting. "What's wrong with you guys?! Never seen a gorgeous woman before?!" The guys finished quickly, asking me over and over if everything was to my liking. I thanked them warmly, smiled and drove off.
Then, at a Petco back in Levittown to get Sphinx's prescribed comida.
I wandered around the store slowly. I love large stores. I'm like el papa in that way. Give me a huge grocery store, hardware store, pet store, music store, book store and I can wander around happy for as long as I'm permitted. Finally I made my way up to the tattoed, pierced cashier, my eight pound bag of cat food in my hands. He yawned politely and then asked me if I knew who Anne Hathaway was. I nodded yes and he said, "You look just like her. I think she's a great actress, please take it as a compliment. When you first walked in I thought, is Anne here in my store?! I think you're absolutely beautiful." I laughed and thanked him, "I don't think Anne Hathaway would be in here on a Saturday morning buying food for her cat, but thank you."
I walked out of the automatic doors to my clean car all smiles. Even on the drive up Hempstead Turnpike to Monro's to get my car inspected (so much cheaper than the LIC guys I was towed to two weeks ago when my car's battery/starter quit, only $37 versus LIC's $80), I was still smiling. I question my appearance every now and again. I don't see myself clearly, but who does? I break my face down into parts I manipulate with make up every morning. An old art trick I learned long ago and then adapted to apply to my face. Proportions and shading. I see each part, not the end result.
Why is it when I'm feeling the most unattractive, the most undesirable that these things happen to me? I had just woken up, showered and whatnot and walked out the door. No big red carpet event, no reason to feel glamorous. Just jeans, a T-shirt and sweater, getting things done.
These words, they just fall in my lap. It's like I said in my last post, you never really know what to expect each day, you can only take things as they come. Routine errands have reminded me that I am a beautiful person. Despite my self-doubt and anxiety, I can affect people. Positively. People react to my smile, and I can't help but feel abuela's words coming to mind. "M'ja," she used to say, "you have a gift. A presence. Smile and laugh even when you feel your worst, and the world will want to help pick you up." I used to always laugh when she'd say that, but maybe she was right after all.
lasaliente, 18:22
