salience
June 20, 2007
This is not directed at anyone who bought me "breakfast yogurt!", took me out to lunch, bought me dinner and drinks, messaged me or emailed me. To those few, I give my heartfelt thanks. You truly made me smile, made me feel like I am actually worth your time and attention, and I am lucky to have you in my life here in nyc.
But I can honestly say I now know what it is like to have absolutely no one living far away, whom I wanted to call me, call me on my birthday. Not family, not friends. Happy 24th to me, indeed. Selfish? Absolutely. Nothing comes close to feeling like a worthless piece of shit on the day folks are supposed to celebrate my birth. It's not about a gift, I don't need anything material. But a quick call to say, "Hi, happy birthday, I'm glad you're around" isn't so hard, is it? I'd have settled for a text message. Especially being so far away from those of you I consider dear to me. Another year, another set of life's lessons under my belt. Well this may be the biggest lesson yet. You're damn straight I won't be in this position again. Por la gracia de Dios, I had Vito and Dave, my OH brothers, to lift my spirits this evening. Here's to the end of today. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.
